Monday, August 25, 2008

Lemon Aide

The crazy ass folk at City Hall thought this (madvac.com) would be a good way of keeping our downtown streets clean. Essentially the Mad Vac (you must yell it as though from the bottom of a well) is a small street sweeper with a giant hose on the front of it (can we say penis extension?).

Anyway, a guy (invariably) drives this thing around ON the sidewalk and manipulates (not very well) the vaccum nozzle to suck up pieces of litter and particles of dust from the curb. I watched a guy do this the other day while I was waiting for the light to change. It was kind of like trying to vaccumm up those little circles of paper from a hole punch. The only thing I could see MadVac doing efficiently is sucking up (with a big shooosh and a pop) small (albeit surprised) rodents.

Yesterday, as I was walking back to the office after lunch I glanced down a side street only to see not one, but two large men in bright yellow safety suits mashed into the cab of one of these mini sweeps. They looked like a couple of GMO lemons in a blender waiting to become juice.

And FYI Litterbug? Just for future reference? There are these things called trash cans about every 10 feet downtown. Be a Sport and use them. I mean, do you do this at home, too? If I visit will I see orange peels strewn on your carpet and cigarette butts crushed into the wall paper? You are probably the same person who doesn't flush public toilets. What the hell is wrong with you?

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