Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Living dangerously

Seen on a recent weekend vacation: two gophers mating in the middle of the highway.

L: "Not a good idea to have sex in the middle of the highway!"

R: "Whoa, Nelly. They are getting a little carried away there.

L: "Yeah, it's probably the only thing that makes being a gopher interesting."

R: "At least they will die happy."

Taking aim

Boy child has been potty trained for a year or so, but learned to pee in the pot by sitting on it. Now that he goes to preschool he sees his buddies standing up when they pee. He's been checking it out with varying results.

The other day I walk into the bathroom to see what and how he is doing only to discover the entire room dripping in pee. It was like one of those vegetable misters at the grocery store had gone off. I have no idea how he did it, but it was a sight to behold.

Getting some things off my chest

Golf shirts are for golfing. Yoga clothes are for yoga. These garments are NOT business wear!

Always walk on the right side of the sidewalk (your right). I don't know who these people are that walk on the wrong side or in the middle, or better yet, stand on the sidewalk and chat up their buddies, or stop suddenly, or somehow veer widely into oncoming foot traffic particularly in crosswalks. How do these people drive?!

It's okay to hold the door open for other people. It's not a competition to see who gets inside the building first. It's just a nice thing to do for someone else.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Preschooler non sequitars

Girl child to me as I am lying in bed the other morning:
"Mama, you have a head?"

Sleepy me thinking, 'Oh, God, did it roll off my neck again?'

Girl child to me as she sits on my lap eating yogurt this early morning:
"Mama, you like cabbage?"

Me thinking, 'What? Do I smell like sauerkraut?'

Girl child to me as I am getting her dressed:
"My socks are angry."

Be glad it's not your diaper, kid.

Girl child to me as I am putting her to bed:
"I am not spaghetti."

Mm, maybe just a little around the eyes.

Monday, May 14, 2007

The things I do for you

While waiting at the cash register in Value Village

Boy child: "Mama, there's a piece of snot stuck in my nose. Can you get it out for me?"
(Mama's got super powers - yes, honey, let me get that for you.)

Anywhere and everywhere
Girl child: "Mama, kiss Wendy, hug her." - Wendy is a doll, her very favorite doll and best fwiend
(Sure, honey, Mama would love to make out with your stuffed toy.)