To cope with my day

I just came back from buying the biggest chocolate bar I could find. I am chasing it with a six-pack of the biggest bottles of Coke I could find because I am not allowed to consume alcohol at work - even if it would improve my performance.

Whatever.

Sing, sing a song

I love music. There is little I enjoy more than driving around on a sunny day, windows down, stereo blasting, singing along to the radio.

I was in this state of ecstasy the other day, can’t remember who I was singing along to (probably Raffi), all I know is I was groovin’ it. Then through the waves of mellifluousness I hear a pained, perhaps even pitying little voice say “Mama, please don’t sing.”

And so ends my rock and roll fantasy.

don't matter if it's not good enough for anyone else to hearrrrrr, just sing, sing a sooooong...

Luddites unite!

My computer mouse is drunk and my monitor screen is all whacked out. I have gone through three mice this morning, finally opting for a wired one instead of the optical ones which seem to be on crack today. IT guy comes over to my desk and fixes my screen issues by wiggling the monitor cord, just like I do with my t.v. at home. Isn't specialized training great?

A word

Dear Mr. Bus Driver:

Dude, I think you need to check the strength of the coffee you drink in the morning. You are the bus driver. Your job is to stop the bus when people want to get off and open the door for them so they can get out. And remember the time you turned left when you were supposed to go straight?

Seriously, it’s getting to be a problem.

Giving in

It's amazing how when I am absolutely starving I will actually resort to eating the healthy food in my snack drawer at work.

Dried fruit mix, anyone?

A small tip for a few panhandlers I know

Keep the 'ask' short and sweet. I don't need a big long story.
Example: "Spare some change?"

Keep it honest. The more you talk, the more I know you are full of BS.
Example: "Spare some change for a drink?" Trust me, your honesty will be rewarded.

Be polite. Berating me is not the way to get what you want.

Accept my answer. Badgering me will only piss me off.

Preschooler-isms

It's a laundry hamster

I weigh twenty dollars

If God is everywhere, then He must also be in our bums (Thanks, Molly)

Thanks for letting me know

Being a parent means always having someone (actually, two someones) around to let you know that:
a) your teeth are yellow
b) your breath is stinky
c) your belly sticks out

I realize I'm no beauty, but could you go a little easy on me?

Not lovin' it here right now

I am sure the receptionist has far better things to do than clean up after you. Put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher, Lazy Ass.