Tuesday, July 31, 2007


I wanted to write a giant rant about how humans are committing mass suicide via intentional stupidity but I don’t have the energy. The wind got knocked out of my sails the other day when I discovered they had hacked down the seven big beautiful 30-year-old trees down the block from where I work.

Despite resistance from city hall and outraged media reports, somehow the good folks at our local farmer’s market (!) and a big time condo developer that shared the street with the trees won. The trees were unceremoniously axed the other day. Cause money wins over nature every time – especially in oil-soaked Alberta.

Friday, July 27, 2007


I step off the bus and take a breath in to savour the morning freshness only to be assaulted by some body's B.O.

Cack! Cack!

How do you not know that your stink is so bad the people around you can taste it?

Please let me introduce you to a bar of soap.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Advice of the week

Take the stick out of your a** and use it to draw happy faces in the sand instead.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


I believe we were all in the room when we agreed to meet at 9 a.m. today. It’s 10:21 a.m. you just arrived, didn’t apologize for being late, nor ask if the meeting was still on. You have just loaded a holiday slide show to your computer and have been showing it to everyone who walks by.

Uh, there are three of us waiting to have a meeting with you. WTF? The words “professionalism” and “consideration” are obviously not in your vocabulary, although the term “dicking around” obviously is.


Spare me from people who make it their life’s mission to go around stating the obvious.

“We should really be sending these publications to targeted audiences so only people who need them, get them.”

I didn’t quite get that. Could you repeat it, and only this time more slowly so I understand the concept?

Or who beat dead horses.

“We shouldn’t be sending all of our publications to everybody, just to the people who want them.”

Uh, okay…great idea.

Or who repeat the same thing over and over again.

“The way I would do it is to only send the publications to people interested in the topic. So, if it were chronic pain, I would only send it to people interested in chronic pain.”

Hmmm, could you be more specific? It is really hard for me to wrap my brain around the complexity of what you are saying.

Or who take what little knowledge they have and try to make it seem like they know more.

“Well, in my opinion, we should send everybody hard copies, because people just ignore email messages.”

Yeah, because I hang on to every piece of mail I get especially the things I haven't asked for like flyers and the Publisher’s Clearinghouse letters.

And your knowledge would be based on what?

Monday, July 23, 2007

A sign I should maybe clean the house more

"Did we get a new sink?"

Boy child upon entering the bathroom to wash his hands.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Hairy episode

There I was sitting in the bathtub the other morning, shaving various body parts. Boy child walks in and watches me carefully. We proceed to have a conversation about why I am doing what I am doing, does it hurt, etc.

When I get out of the tub and start to dry off he says to me, “Mama, you still have hair growing out of your labia (that being a part I hadn’t shaved. And yes, in our house we use the real words to talk about our bodies. And okay, perhaps I am sharing too much information in this blog entry).”

To which I say to him, “Honey, one day you’ll have hair growing around your penis, too.”

He answered with a distressed shriek at a decible I had never heard before. It was as though I had just told him his little friend would eventually fall off.

I think I am speaking English

When I ask you for a low fat muffin, please don’t stare at me like I am asking for a vodka martini at the coffee shop. And then, please don’t answer me by saying that you have bran muffins. Just because a muffin has bran in it, does not mean it is low fat. They are not the same thing.

A similar misunderstanding would happen when I used to tell people I was a vegetarian. “So you don’t eat any meat?” they would sometimes say. To which I always wanted to reply, “Only the bloody, still-warm flesh of small furry animals.”

Friday, July 6, 2007

Is the world insane, or am I?

Message I sent to the HR dude at work today:

As new staff come on board it may be helpful to have more business appropriate names for printers, photocopiers, and email groups. For instance, an email group called ‘All Staff’ would be more appropriate than the current ‘Y’all’ and would indicate what it actually is to the user. For printers and photocopiers it would be helpful to have names that indicate office locations rather than vegetables.

Just some thoughts.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Appreciating the little things

Girl child gleefully erupting off her potty shouting, "IMADEAPEE!"

Boy child sternly ordering his Mumi to "Drink! Your! Wine!"