Nearly Normal

As one of the moms of a 6 year old twin boy and girl who have seen more than their fair share of doctors' and therapists' and psychiatrists' offices in their little lives, I often wonder from the sidelines what it would be like to have a "normal" existence with our kids.

Okay, admittedly a couple of things set our family apart from the get go. First, we are an adoptive family - no less a family than anyone else's - but differently made. And my partner and I are both women, so there are two moms and no dads in this picture.

One of our children struggles with mental health issues and we struggle along with them. It's not easy riding the highs and lows and rationalizing the use of medication on a small child to address this. The other child has a chronic health issue. There have been surgeries, a million tests, specialists galore, x-rays beyond counting, recurring episodes of pneumonia and more pokes and prods than any one person deserves. And still we are figuring out the puzzle of this child.

Being different breeds isolation and it sets us apart. Few people understand what we truly live. We have little familial support so it is all on me and my partner to sort it out and ride it out the best that we can.

Our life is one of ensuring enough food gets into one kid via mouth or a gastric feeding tube and making sure the other is properly medicated each day. We must balance our home lives with our work lives and somehow manage and attend the myriad of appointments required to keep both of the kids ship shape.

Health is one issue. Proper schooling another. Now that they are 6 we have to fight to find the right learning environment for each of them to be sure they get the best opportunity they can to have their special needs met. Not an easy task when they are both on the cusp and therefore not eligible for the funding they truly need to ensure the proper supports are available to them in the classroom.

There are people out there with far worse than us to bear, but it is still not easy being green as the great Kermit the Frog once said.

And then there is the intimate relationship between my partner and I to maintain. Is that even a realistic goal when most of our time spent together is used to trade information and coordination of effort to ensure the kids are doing okay? I know this is what most parents of small children experience but when you throw in all of the other complications and feelings that as a parent you have somehow failed because your children aren't "normal" it is a burden that is sometimes very hard to bear.

When I fall into bed at night, it is not with my partner. It is with a kid who needs all of the loving they can get to ensure they are happy little beings. Bedtime for me means trying to sleep through the night without a kid waking me with one need or another and battling my own demons in those lone early hours when stress and worry come to linger.

People tell us all the time that we are amazing. We are not. We are nearly normal people who are doing what anyone would do for their children if they had to.

Before I was a parent I used to look at parents with other than normal children and think "There is no way I could do that." But you know what? I can and I do because there is no not doing.

At the end of the day, I have two fantastic kids who are strong and brave and loving and smart and as healthy as they can be.