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Day two of official unemployment. It is 11 a.m. and I am still not showered and dressed. Wore my pajamas and bed head to take boy child to school. Motivation for the day's activities? Zero.

My plans include seeing how long I can go without showering and attempting to grow my leg hair long enough to braid - two things I should be able to accomplish without much effort. What? I have to breathe again?

My little man

Boy child's school sets up "Santa's Workshop" in the school gymnasium every Christmas. Each kid gets to go there to "buy" a present for their folks. (Don't get me started on the imprinting of commercialism on the minds of small children).

Anyway, parents donate crap, I mean, stuff that they want to get rid of, I mean, re-gift to other unsuspecting, I mean, appreciative parents.

Boy child came home with a present for his moms one day and actually managed to keep it a secret until Christmas! We thought it was going to be stinky perfume but it turned out to be a cute gift that we would have probably actually bought for ourselves. We were some surprised and thanked him quite effusively.

Bolstered by our positive response, he proudly announced that he had "just walked in the door and randomly picked something off the table! I was done in like 10 seconds!" Such thought, such care, such a guy.

Reminds me of my father's efforts at Christmas. As us kids got older and moved out he started a tradition of shopping at London Drugs at 4 p.m. on Christmas Eve. All three of us and my mom would end up with the same randomly selected (okay, not random. There had to be at least four on the shelf) sandwich maker, hand vac, or nose hair trimmer. I used to quietly return them and get the cash - the perfect gift for a poor university student.

Thank you Mr. Disney

My little daughter has a wonderous imagination and creativity beyond belief. And a memory like you can't imagine. One of her most favourite things to do is re-create characters and scenes from books and movies she loves to read and watch again and agin. And she does this involving the whole family. And this is where I want to thank Walt Disney, for of late, I have been known around the house as Lady and Tramp - although I guess it could be worse, I could be Lady the Tramp which would only bring back memories best left be.

For the record

I just want to say in this very public forum that just so you all know I am not one of those people who holds conversations from the toilet stall.

So, if you are my co-worker and want to know if I got your email you will just have to wait until I've finished my number two!

If you are my child and want to know if I will play with you, please dear, give mama some privacy (and dignity) first and close the door!

And if you are my dear spouse and we are having a conversation about the day's events that goes double for you especially if you are the one on the toilet and I happen to be innocently brushing my teeth when you come in to use the facilities. I can wait until you are done to find out what we are having for dinner.

Not lovin' it

Argh.

I ventured out and tried a new coffee shop this morning. Yes, I am back on caffeine. Your point?

Okay, the cute girl handing out free breakfast bars kinda had something to do with it. Anyway, my point is if you are a new restaurant and you are handing out free coffee to attract new customers can you please make sure it is good coffee and not organic piss water?

This does not make my day start out very happy. And look, I can't even write a sensical blog post. I mean, is sensical even a word?

I feel like I am walking around the office with bedhead because thanks to this experience I am still half asleep!

While shopping

Elderly female patron growing louder by the moment as she shouts: "Masking tape! I said I need masking tape!"

Bewildered Philipino store clerk at whom she is shouting: "You want Scotch tape?"

Now angry elderly female patron: "Don't you understand English?!"

Me standing in the aisle watching and listening to this scene play out thinking and wanting to say out loud to the bitchy senior: "Perhaps it's Old Racist Biddy she doesn't understand."

Did you know?

You can get mortuary supplies on ebay? In case you are looking to do a little embalming at home.