Now I get it!

Now I get why Tim Horton's is so popular. It's not the mediocre coffee or the low price, it's the fact that you need utter only a few words to order one, like "Large, black" or Medium double-double". Just like that it appears in your hand.

Have you been to Starbucks lately or Second Cup? They pepper you with questions - "room for cream? medium? bold? mild? regular milk? skim?" and "do you need a lid? a sleeve?" Wah?

God, just give me an FN coffee! You see, I need one in order to answer your questions!!

And who decided that a small is actually a medium and that a medium is actually a large? And why can't I buy a small? Or better yet that a venti is a...what is a venti? A large? or a medium? See, I don't even know. Speak English to me. And what's wrong with just calling the coffee mild, medium, and dark? Why, why do they need exotic names I can't pronounce? It's coffee!

A dude in line in front of me this morning - who turned out to actually be a regular at Timmies - was so confused by all of the questions he was being asked that when he finally got a coffee in his hands he turned and went off to doctor it without paying. The Barista had treated him like he wasn't a native English speaker as he stumbled through her questions. I paid for his coffee to spare him the humiliation of having to come back to the till.

Don't look, see!

So I am strolling up the avenue on my way back from my lunch break. Along the way as per usual are various and sundry folks asking for change. I arrive at the corner just behind three women – two with gray hair – only to hear one say “You know, I love my city, I pay taxes to keep it clean and orderly, I don’t need to see that. That shouldn’t be allowed.”

The “that” she was talking about was a homeless guy sitting on the corner holding up a cup for spare change.

She was actually offended that the man was right there in plain view. Where would she have him go? At least this way the “problem” is visible.

Then again, if we don’t see it, then maybe it doesn’t exist.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I recently realized that I am no longer a university student who can go without sleep for days on end. In order for my brain to fully function I need lots of sleep. Some examples: The other night when girl child started crying I laid in bed whispering "shhhh" for what must have been quite a while before becoming fully conscious and realizing I actually needed to get out of bed and go to her room to deal with her issue of the night.

Another recent incident occurred when I leapt out of bed one night to see what was going on with girl child only to slam my entire body into our closed bedroom door. I kid you not.

I am my own Gong Show.

Combine sleep deprivation with forgetting to put on my glasses when I get out of bed and most mornings I am bound to come to some self harm.

Not sure I should be back at work

After two days off sick, I stopped to use the bank machine on my way to work this morning. I went to punch in my PIN and drew a complete blank. Who does that?

I also poured a cup of coffee down the front of my pajamas. Dang waste of good java.

God help me if I get behind the wheel of a car.

more things I learned on vacation

The hips of full grown women do not fit between booster chairs in the back of an economy car. That fact combined with 80% humidity and a seat belt that pinned me to the back seat like a butterfly specimen did not make for happy car travels.

And did you know?

Moms are also substitute snot rags, toilet paper, hand towels, and garbage cans.

Things I did on my summer vacation

A snapshot of our first family vacation:

For those who don't know - Cathedral Grove is an amazing old growth forest on the coast of British Columbia - towering trees with wispy moss wings that have looked on us for hundreds of years oh so wisely - and the quiet - absolutely awe inspiring - until the car alarm on our rental went off and we couldn't figure out how to turn it off...girl child trying to make a number two – me running in and out of the outhouse with her, the wife and I melting down, and boy child sitting in the back seat repeating over and over again, "Get me out of this God damn car!"

Gee, I wonder who he learned that from?

To cope with my day

I just came back from buying the biggest chocolate bar I could find. I am chasing it with a six-pack of the biggest bottles of Coke I could find because I am not allowed to consume alcohol at work - even if it would improve my performance.

Whatever.