Not what I thought

I went to Lenscrafters on the weekend to get glasses because they had "A Big Event" on. If you bought glasses for X amount of dollars you got "free" lenses.

I sit down with the salesperson to place my order and she quotes me $350 for the lenses alone (the frames I wanted were less than $200). I of course asked her about the "free" lenses. She said, "Oh, those are basic, basic lenses. No one ever orders those." She didn't even pretend to ask me if I wanted them she just automatically wanted to charge me for upgraded lenses.

I hate when so-called sales are not actually sales. I felt extremely misled and left the store without making a purchase.

Boo!

40-40 vision

So I got my eyes examined at the weekend and everything's going along smoothly - my eyes are healthy, my vision has changed very mildly in one eye - and I'm ready to hop out of the chair and go when the optometrist says to me, "I do have to warn you about one thing."

And I am thinking, "What? The bill is going to be huge?"

Uh, no. She says, "Now that you are forty, you will start having trouble reading small lettering. It is inevitable."

Seriously long brain pause on my end. Then the light flickers on.

"You mean, bifocals?"

"Yes. I mean bifocals."

OMG. If that isn't a harbinger of old age, I don't know what is.

What's next? Leakage issues in my undercarriage?

A point to ponder

So, despite signage, despite numerous pleas from the receptionist, some of my coworkers still continue to put their dirty dishes on the counter in the office kitchen instead of in the dishwasher conveniently located just below it (!).

And I am thinking, if people can't even do a simple task like that when asked, how can we expect them to get out and vote in the soon-to-be-announced federal election?

It's been quite a morning already

So it's 8 a.m. on a Friday morning and I am sitting at my desk trying to get my heart beat back to its regular rate.

I have a message for a particular SUV driver I inadvertently met today:

"WTF were you thinking? Your need to get to the coffee shop 2.5 seconds faster than the bus I was riding in - you know, the one you tried to cut off? - nearly caused me a heart attack.

In case you didn't realize it, our bus driver had to nail her brakes when you did that.

Do you know what happens when a bus suddenly stops short? Yeah, that's right. Everyone inside of it goes flying. Like the woman carrying her infant in a snuggly and her little 2-year-old girl who fortunately landed on the floor without getting seriously hurt. And the old lady who was until that moment standing at the front. And the three women who were also previously sitting at the front.

Ask me how much fun it was to witness a pile of people getting thrown together on the floor because of your stupidity? And maybe ask the bus driver if her underwear is clean now. Thank God no one was seriously hurt."

My opposites

Although my kids are twins, they are as different as McCain and Obama. We have always jokingly called them our opposites.

This fact was never more clear than when we started talking about the extracurricular lessons and activities they would like to do this fall. Keep in mind they are 5.

Boy child would like to take a cooking class or dance. Girl child would like to learn to fly helicopters.

And before you ask, no, they are not identical twins as some people shockingly ask me. That would have something to do with the fact that one is a girl and one is a boy...

And did you know?

All these years I thought the words to the song Raise a Little Hell were, well, Raise a Little Hell. Turns out the words are actually Raise a Little Owl, so says boy child.

Living with a 5 year-old Y chromosome

Things I never thought I'd say or hear:

"Make sure ALL the pee goes in the toilet."

"Mama, look what my penis can do."
"Wow, Honey, I had no idea it could bend/stretch/roll into a ball, etc. that way."